Golden Years?

Golden Years?

Or should I say platinum? I have loved every year of my life but as I look back I think my favorite time is NOW! Yes, I’m mature. In other words, I’m not 25 and though I don’t have the 25-year-old body, metabolism or energy but I have something even better. I have memories, precious and brutal memories, but they give me a fuller life. I have wisdom. I only wish my 25-year-old self knew half of what she thought she knew and. I have no desire to go back to that life but if I did my pre-requisite to returning would be that I get to keep the wisdom I have gleaned through the years.

The only down side I see to this age is the fact of losing ones you love. Yes, there are rare occasions when a young person loses a parent or a close friend that deeply impacts them. But I remember losing grandparents in my 20’s, it didn’t affect me the way losing my parents did three years ago.

Just recently I lost a friend, just a year younger than me. Sadly, life had pulled my family away, physically, so we had not kept in touch but she was important to me. She was a dear friend in high school, in college, and we were in each other’s wedding. (The first post in this blog was dedicated to her.)

This loss brought a new perspective on loss. Someone my age! With kids, my kids’ age! Shocking! I’m still tearing from this, perhaps because it is all too real, so close.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not afraid of death. I’m not in a hurry to experience it, but I’m not afraid. I do believe there is an afterlife and I’m at peace with what I’ll find there but new things are always a little nerve wracking.

As I wrote about the death of someone dear in Antique Dreams, I cried. https://www.amazon.com/Antique-Dreams-Rhonda-Jarvis-ebook/dp/B01N27MTKR/ref=sr_1_1_twi_kin_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1506790959&sr=8-1&keywords=antique+dreams I sat in my office and trusted my fingers to find their way across the keyboard as tears clouded my eyes. I felt it. I thought I was prepared for it. I was wrong. It is hard.

Recently, I came upon a blog for women over 50. Oops50.com One particular post caught my attention. http://www.oops50.com/category/relationships/family/ I love it! I too have felt this need to talk to my mother. Even at this moment there is something in my life I would dearly love to run by her.

On the up side, I hope to be this for my girls. I hope I am the support for them my mother was for me and even more. I hope that if they get the flu when they are 30 with two toddlers that they lie on the couch and wish for their ‘mommie’ as I did.

My mom always told me that I would never understand how much she loved me. I may never understand that, because at this point I love my girls more all the time so I may never catch up. And it’s okay.