Playing Favorites

I have two children; okay they are no longer children, but I had two children. There were times I wanted more but two was our lot.

Bill Cosby said (yes, I’m quoting Bill, not because he was always right, but because he was funny) that parents of one child are missing out of much of parenting. He mentioned the blame game, if you have an only child, who do they blame?

I would like to add another issue with having more than one child. Jealousy or being accused of playing favorites.

Perhaps it is inherent in all humans to compare. “She has more than me!” “You spent more time tucking her in than me.” “She is your favorite.”

This comparison could come from insecurity, pride, selfishness or a combination of any and all of the above. I’m sure there may be instances where there are favorites but for most parents playing favorites is only perceived.

My offspring are 26 and 23. I know there have been times in their lives respectively that they have each felt that I had a favorite.

Due to our recent move I’ve gone through containers of things belonging to each of them. Memories and keepsakes, I have kept through the years. I noticed as I unwrapped these boxes and went through the containers that I have quite a bit more from early childhood. This is easily explained. She was the first! And for three years she was the only.

My youngest didn’t have many opportunities to see this as playing favorites. But the youngest did feel that the oldest was the favorite for a while as she got in trouble much more often than the first.

The oldest doesn’t remember those younger years when she was the focus. Unfortunately, she remembers the youngest high school years as being the only while big sister was in college.

When a mom loves, it hurts to hear her children believe she doesn’t love them like she truly does.

I believe and hope beyond hope, that my girls are mature enough to know I love each of them with immeasurable love. That they are unique beautiful creations so my love for them is also unique but no matter how uniquely different it is still equally powerful.

God loves us like we are his children. I wonder if He is broken hearted to hear us comparing what we have or don’t have with others and not resting in His love for us.

I also wonder if our comparisons through life, coveting perhaps, insecurity, greed, much of this social media induced in this modern age; are not the same thing as what we see as playing favorites. These comparisons hurt everyone! I hear it daily in the news, from teachers, from fellow workers, when can we stop and learn to be happy and feel loved for who we are, where we are?

I want my girls to feel the peace of being utterly and completely loved. I want our world to feel athat as well.

Alright, enough of the deep stuff.